Thoughts & Feelings

Am I Oversensitive and Needy? Spoiler: Yes.

A little bit of a moan today guys and dolls…

So I guess I’m feeling all emotional today, I’m far more sensitive than I have been for a while and I think it has to do with a few a things. One being hormones, but isn’t that just a female excuse? Yes, because it’s the easiest thing for me blame all my issues on, hormones, depression, anxiety, daddy issues… all that jazz. But when I boil it down, I’m just bloody fed up.

I’m fed up of feeling like I’m useless, I know for a fact that I have it much easier than a lot of people out there. I have had a cyst removed from my back, I ended up with an 8cm long and 8cm deep hole in my back. This has crazily affected my life in so many ways, I literally can’t even shower properly – I have to wrap myself in cling film, let that horrible visual settle in for a second and then feel sorry for Mr T! It’s now been 8 weeks since my operation, I was originally told I would be fine after 4 days… imagine how I am currently feeling after going to the district nurses every day for the past 8 weeks, to be told that I probably have ANOTHER 8 weeks ahead of me. Now, this might not be the case, and it may only be 6…

Yeah, another 6 fucking weeks (sorry for the swearing…not really, I’m pissed off). Now as I said, I know that I am not as bad as others. However I can’t sit comfortably, I can’t shower properly, I can’t walk my dogs, I can’t lift anything heavy than a bag of crisps (yay for crisps though!), it hurts to walk up the stairs, get off the couch and I am pretty much in constant achiness, with a slight hint of pressure. Yeah, that’s a real thing. Trust me.

So this post is kind of a self-pitying one because I am fed up, I am fed up of seeing people succeed in their fitness goals, seeing a community carry on without me and basically ignore me, while I recover and generally feel left out and alone. This isn’t their fault, it’s a case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and I voluntarily left the closed groups, the public groups and even unfriended a few people. This is all childish and silly, but I couldn’t stand seeing how much everyone was improving, not being a part of something that I was so involved in, and generally just feeling like a big fat (literally) failure, while everyone moved on and has become closer, happier and stronger. It sucks. It’s selfish. It’s childish. And right now I couldn’t give a rats arse, because I’m struggling to even get out of bed every morning, physically as well as emotionally. No one has asked how I am, no one has asked about my operation, and this kind of proved how fake it all really is – or how it fake it currently feels, maybe due to my over-sensitiveness.

One good thing that has come out of this ‘cold shoulder’ approach that I feel is that I have realised how fucking needy I really am. I used to, and still do probably, proclaim at how self-sufficient I was, how I don’t care what people think, how independent I am, ask Mr T I really did. And now I’ve realised what a crock of shit I was talking, I am so needy I’m like a 10-year-old shouting “you stole my best friend” across the playground, yeah that needy and insecure. I am a 28 (nearly 29) year old woman, with a husband, a house, a fantastic job, generally kick arse friends, and yet I care so much what other people are doing without me that I feel left out, delete the accounts and nose around, all while having a tight chest and wanting to cry. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me.


You know whose validation I don’t take into consideration? Mr T’s. How messed up am I? My husband tells me, every day, how amazing I am, how beautiful I am, how I don’t need to change because he loves me just the way I am. And it washes off me like water off a duck. And I don’t know why I don’t just listen to him, he’s bloody fantastic! He never ‘leaves me out’ or ignores me, he struggles to understand me, but always makes the effort and is always there, yet I ignore his opinions of me. Has anyone got an answer to this? Anyone?

So this was a rant about how shitty I feel, how I now know how needy I am and how a place that was once safe, is not longer that. I left on a day that was pretty bad for me, called out and felt like a tit, and I haven’t been back, and after the way, I feel now I don’t think I am strong enough to. So what does that mean for me? Surgery? Possibly – an ongoing discussion with Mr T, and a post for another time.

But for now, I am stuck sitting on my sofa in a constant state of irritableness and slight twinges of pain when I move – or a dog jumps on me, which happens a lot. Oh yeah, I also fell in the shower and bruised all my feet, because I’m a clumsy oaf, let’s add to the list of things I am annoyed about, shall we?

I’ll calm down in 10 minutes, but I’m still annoyed, mainly with myself that I crave so much attention. Please tell me someone else feels exactly the same thing, at some point in their life? I can’t be a-lone freak in this attention seekingness…

Until Next Time My Beauts!
Much Love

4 thoughts on “Am I Oversensitive and Needy? Spoiler: Yes.

  1. Thank you for sharing this Sarah. I love how honest you are on here. It really helps others to see as well that these things should be talked about. I can relate to quite a bit of your neediness. You’re not alone <3 xxx

  2. Not to worry: ALL of us are needy, but only FEW are aware like you are! And then even fewer are able to voice their feelings like you just did. Hope this rant made you feel a bit better (if so, keep ranting!). I’m looking forward to following your blog, even if you’d be ranting every day and not make ANY progress like all other people seem to do. Take care! Ana

    1. Thank you Ana, that’s such an amazing thing to say. I went through a lot of therapy and I think I’d made me look into myself a lot more and writing really helps me sort the thoughts out and it’s really cathartic. I’m very flattered that you’ll be with me figuring it all out 😄 thank you! Xx

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