A Suprise Ending

I’ve got loads of ideas for posts for this blog.

I’ve written them down to make sure I don’t forget them, loads of top ten of this and top ten of that… Basically a collection of crap that I like and stuff others may want to have a gander at (you probably don’t but I’ll still do it)

I never seem to get around to actually doing them and posting them because I wanted them to look perfect. Which is annoying, you see I actually blog for a living. A very lovely company pays me to do it, I create content and (try) to connect with other bloggers to come and stay at our resorts. I love my job. Not many people can say that, and I couldn’t say that less than 9 months ago. But the by-product of doing a fantastic job, and having it look extra sleek on the website, and having extraordinary talented people around me, means that I am thoroughly underwhelmed with my own expertise. I am an okay writer, I can hold my own there – I can not make this blog look the way I want to, I’m not talented enough. Which is making me feel very unworthy of the job I have.

I shouldn’t be where I am today, it was sheer luck. And I’m not talented enough to be where I am, there is no ‘but I learnt this..’ Ending here. I genuinely feel like this and I don’t really know how to shake it? I’m in constant fear of losing my job because I think I don’t perform well enough. My boss has not once indicated she is unhappy with my performance – in fact, she expresses complete delight at my work!

Why do we (I assume I’m not the only person who feels like this…) feel sufficiently unqualified (although I have a creative writing based degree) and unworthy of the good luck and fortune that has befallen us? And how to we over come it? How do we accept what we can and can’t do things, pluck the courage to ask for help, or find the inclination to make time to better ourselves? Is it something we learn over time? Will I ever feel worthy of the fantastic opportunity this job presents me with? 

Contemplative and a bit deep…not where I thought this post would go

Thoughts? Speak soon lovelies!

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